Whenever I hear this phrase I cannot help but die a little bit inside.
People talking at the table is great for the game and I will forever encourage it (thanks Will K) but there are particular questions and phrases that are getting really old really fast. I played a recent competition in London and took a seat for day 2 on a new table of fresh-faced hopefuls and there was this one guy who was chatty and I was thinking to myself ‘oh that’s good’ HOW WRONG I WAS.
This guy was a walking poker cliche and as soon as the cards started flying the phrase ‘that’s so sick‘ was heard at least once a minute. I wanted to destroy whoever introduced that phrase to him. This phrase was heard every single time one of the following criteria was fulfilled;
- Any raise was made during the course of a hand
- When he was dealt a hand
- Every-time he folded
- The flop
- The turn
- The river
- Every showdown
- Every non-showdown
- Every-time I fantasised about having my headphones with me
Yesterday I was playing a cash game and it was a brand-new player at the table. He opened his first hand under the gun, bet the flop, bet the turn and got raised. Tanked for about 45 seconds and then said ‘Show if I fold?’ ON THE TURN. I think I might’ve let out an audible groan. I expect this to be asked on the river around 25% of the time now but on the TURN!? Is the turn no longer sacred? Dude you take it to a whole new level. Oh and now you want to fold your TPTK face-up? Thanks mate that should loosen up the game real nice.
This question is being asked so much I even thought up a strategy to counter it by looking confused as I work out the puzzle in my mind like I’ve never heard that question before and this is my first time considering it:
‘Hmmm…. what’s that? Will I show if you fold? Errmm…. (YEAH, I’LL SHOW because that means you will call me right! GOT YOU!)….. Yeah If you muck I’ll show it mate’
Wait-What? Why are you folding now? FFS. Worthless, what a waste of everyone’s time.
And another thing never EVER come up to my table and ask ‘How’s the game?‘ because that’s extremely awkward for everyone involved. That’s the equivalent of walking up to a kid at their birthday party in front of everyone and asking ‘so who is your best friend Pete?’.
So listen, seat 2 is about to do his 3rd bullet, seat 5 hasn’t played a hand for 2 rounds, seat 9 and 4 are going to take medium strength hands to showdown and seat 6 likes to hero rivers for pot-sized bets- is that what you want me to say? What do you want man? Have we ever even spoken before random middle-aged grinder from I-don’t-know-where? I’m not gonna tell you anything. If you ask me this question you are going to get the answer ‘All the tables are good‘….do your own homework.
On a similar note don’t ask ‘What did you have?‘ when someone folds and concedes a pot to you- that’s poor form. There’s a reason they didn’t show- If you ask me this you are going to get the response ‘I had Jack-3’ yes, J3 and if you ask ‘was it suited?’ the response will be ‘yes, double-suited‘ and when you continue to ask me this question you may come to the realisation that my entire range seems to consist solely of J3.
And why don’t some people wash before going to play poker- that’s gross there’s no excuse to be smelly. Water is available in the UK you just turn on the tap. RANTOVER.
JoeyCraigProTip: If you are double-suited you can make 3 different flushes